Starting to write the diss

Ok folks, I have attempted to start writing my first chapter. Not the introduction, but the first substantial bit after that AND IT IS SO HARD. For one, I have NO idea what belongs in here and what belongs in other chapters. So it feels like a huge hodgepodge of a little bit of everything. Also, trying to start the actual writing is terrifying. I have 10 or so pages of an outline, but these are mostly quotes/ paraphrased pieces from primary and secondary sources, trying to put my own voice in here is a struggle.

For example, I have attempted to write the beginning of the chapter, but can only seem to begin with ridiculously clichéd statements. To illustrate, here are a few sentences I have actually written today, that I immediately erased because COME ON:
1. Hunger was once regarded as the (almost) universal condition of human kind.
2. Like many histories of welfare, this narrative begins in the doldrums of the Great Depression.
3. Charity and voluntary action to combat hunger have been around for almost as long as the condition has existed.

What is this condition I’m speaking of? Where on earth did I read many histories of welfare that start in the Great Depression?* And doldrums?!?! I swear, the act of writing is just making stuff up and pretending it makes sense, and then in history-land we cite a bunch of things that sort of support the thing we made up.

I have learned a little bit about my writing process since becoming a graduate student. The biggest take-away is that I write really really really ugly first drafts to get my ideas out. Once I have some things on paper, I then take 3-5 re-writes to turn it into something I dare show anyone else. This is very time consuming. And I wish I could find another way! But a process is a process, and I’ve made it this far, so that’s good.

On a more positive note, in doing a google image search of ‘writing stress,’ (as one does) I was just shown a slide that journaling can help reduce stress! And this blog is basically a journal…? So even though I have not figured out how to start writing, the process of writing about writing is making me feel a little better. Thank you, internet world, for being on this journey with me!

*Lots of histories of welfare do talk about the 1930s, but I don’t need to be so dramatic about it!